In the Land of Wonderful Dreams

[Caithness]

Brentai had been posting in Times of minor unpleasantness about how his wife was complaining that the across-the-street neighbor's treehouse was encroaching on their property. Kfroog and I were over at the house, and we wanted to see this seemingly miraculous treehouse for ourselves, so we went into the attic. After making our way across planks that could barely support the weight of one person and going through a door, we found that the other half of the attic consisted of a fully-furnished kitchen with nice cabinets and two full-sized refrigerators.

It didn't occur to me until after waking up that maybe that kitchen was the fabled treehouse.

[François]

I'm walking through my neighborhood, in broad daylight; it must be the week-end because the streets are pretty busy. A large chariot pulled by invisible beasts and driven by no one comes barreling down the street; it's made of rotten and pitted wood planks so thick they might qualify as beams, and its uneven iron-shod wheels make no sound on the pavement. It's filled with a huge mound of dark dirt, with skulls, various bones, and entire tombstones poking out, as if some titan had scooped up earth in a graveyard and dumped it in. Wherever it goes, people fall over dead as it passes them.

It stops in front of me. A terrifyingly human voice booms out from nowhere: "MY NAME IS CATACLYSM". I wake up.

[MarsDragon]

My taxes got returned after the deadline because I'd written them with pencil. I couldn't figure out how to rewrite them and get the IRS to take them back afterwards.

[Disposable Ninja]

I dreamt that I peed ice

I don't like the inside of head lately

[Brantly B.]

I'm taking a ride on board a novelty "ghost train". Unfortunately I thought it was going to be a kitschy thing and it turns out to be sort of an upscale affair, despite the large number of unshowered men all over the place, so I didn't bring a change of nicer clothing. The conductor is nice enough to offer me a shirt to wear but then, noting I'm not even wearing any shoes, just looks at me sternly and says, "You should really just wake up, and let this dream reset itself."

"Yeah, I really should," I say.

The ghost train then fades out from existence around me, leaving me standing on the train tracks on the side of a cliff, in the middle of nowhere.

"I really should have expected that," I mutter to myself.

The ghost train fades back in a short distance from me. "Yes, you really should have," it says to me, and storms away.

[Grath]

I'm taking a ride on board a novelty "ghost train". Unfortunately I thought it was going to be a kitschy thing and it turns out to be sort of an upscale affair, despite the large number of unshowered men all over the place, so I didn't bring a change of nicer clothing. The conductor is nice enough to offer me a shirt to wear but then, noting I'm not even wearing any shoes, just looks at me sternly and says, "You should really just wake up, and let this dream reset itself."

"Yeah, I really should," I say.

The ghost train then fades out from existence around me, leaving me standing on the train tracks on the side of a cliff, in the middle of nowhere.

"I really should have expected that," I mutter to myself.

The ghost train fades back in a short distance from me. "Yes, you really should have," it says to me, and storms away.

And then you suplexed the ghost train?

[Healy]

I'm taking a ride on board a novelty "ghost train". Unfortunately I thought it was going to be a kitschy thing and it turns out to be sort of an upscale affair, despite the large number of unshowered men all over the place, so I didn't bring a change of nicer clothing. The conductor is nice enough to offer me a shirt to wear but then, noting I'm not even wearing any shoes, just looks at me sternly and says, "You should really just wake up, and let this dream reset itself."

"Yeah, I really should," I say.

The ghost train then fades out from existence around me, leaving me standing on the train tracks on the side of a cliff, in the middle of nowhere.

"I really should have expected that," I mutter to myself.

The ghost train fades back in a short distance from me. "Yes, you really should have," it says to me, and storms away.

Dang I kinda wish karma was back.

[Mothra]

Didn't exactly knock that dream out of the park there Brent

[MarsDragon]

I was hanging out in a snowy parking lot when I realised I needed to get to work soon. I wasn't entirely sure how, since I was too late to take the bus and I couldn't ride my bike through the snow, but I figured I'd go home and figure something out. When I got there, though, the door was wide open with snow blowing in. I instantly decided this dream was bullshit since I'd never leave the door open when it was snowing and woke myself up.

I checked the time, saw it was 7:59 and panicked because I'd meant to be up at 7. I ran into the kitchen, turned the light on, and saw it filled with random kitchen gadgets, including the old apple peeler my mom has back at her house. The pantry was also full of gadgets, and there were tons of straw hats hanging from the ceiling. I realised this was another bullshit dream and forced myself awake for real.

(It was about 6:45 and I had plenty of time to get to work)

[Friday]

Link's horse throws a shoe so he knocks on my door to ask if he can use my phone. I shrug and say sure and we idly chat over lemonade at my kitchen table about Zelda 2 and its place in the advancement of the Zelda "mainthread" (a term I invented for the dream but acted like it was usual parlance) and how it redefined what players thought about the genre. Link looks irritated and repeatedly asks me to stop bringing up bubble pits, citing PTSD.

Impa shows up and reshoes Link's horse. I ask Impa out as a joke, grinning like an idiot, and they both look at me with this sort of grim, humorless shock, like I just said something terrible.

"What?" I ask, looking back and forth between them.

"Horseshoes are my trigger," Impa says.

[nosimpleway]

Friday's subconscious, did you just make an incredibly oblique Roy Rogers joke?

[Disposable Ninja]

I was taking care of a starving African child, and the only food available was animal dick soup. The African child proceeded to choke to death on a dick.

I'm %100 serious, that is what I dreamed. What in God's name is wrong with me?

[Büge]

I had an unusually linear and coherent dream last night about season 4 of Korra. The idea was that Korra got desperate and used Amon's chi-blocking technique against Kuvira during their fight outside Xiao Fu, so Kuvira was powerless. She was imprisoned until she focused her discipline inward and was able to use the natural minerals in her own body as bending elements.

Somehow she was able to gradually convert her own physiology into metal and break out of the prison, rounding up her army and going on the offensive. Korra confronted Kuvira on a ship Kuvira had commandeered. The battle was going badly as Kuvira was fully metallic at this point and able to control the metal of the ship. Taking a cue from Aang, Korra used spiritbending to take Kuvira's power away and she sank to the bottom of the ocean, alive but eternally frozen.

It was both darker and more ridiculous than what we actually got in the show.

[Silversong]

I had ordered catering for a meeting a guest speaker was having, but I ordered it too early, and then I noticed that my co-workers and I had eaten most of it. Then I went to the store to buy something else but it was huge and labyrinthine and I just couldn't find the groceries much less the oatmeal.

[Thad]

Where's that damn hippie clerk?

[Sharkey]

There was a mysterious hatch in the high ceiling of my apartment that I'd never noticed before. I couldn't reach it with anything, so I stopped up all the drains and ran the taps so the apartment would flood. It seemed perfectly reasonable until the electric blew and all the books and electronics were ruined. Also there were some fires and the cats were fucking furious. I'd almost managed to swim up to the hatch when the girlfriend got home, opened the door, and was blown away by a cartoonish torrent of water. My explanation for my actions was not acceptable.

Adventure game puzzles have fucking ruined me.

[Mongrel]

I was on the top three officials on a special task force appointed to the US Department of Transportation who were responsible for introducing a type of asphalt which was much longer-lasting and would eventually replace all asphalt surfacing in the country (and, one assumes, the rest of the world). This part of the dream makes sense given the craft projects I've been working on. Obama had a big fancy press conference to announce the new asphalt so the pressure was on us to make sure everything worked well.

As a test, we were first going to repave the entire road network of the island of Rìos, a tiny US overseas Caribbean territory. With this in mind I had met the new Ambassador from Rìos (yes, it had an ambassador, even though it was a territory), talked to him about the programme, and congratulated him on his new appointment. Then we went drinking all evening and in the morning he began to survey the island in a blimp.

Obama came to Rìos to ask about our progress, so I was meeting with him in an admin building. Then a local man, quite young, came in. He was very friendly albeit slightly nervous and offered us chocolate-coloured strawberry jujubes. We accepted, but then he introduced himself as the new ambassador, I grabbed him to pin him, shouting "That's not the ambassador! I met the real ambassador last night!" while secret service agents rushed in. The jujubes turned out to be fine, but the guy had a gun in his car, so WHO KNOWS.

There was a new press conference which had been set up so Obama could talk to local leaders and do a broadcast about the paving stuff, but instead it became a press conference about my saving the president from a potential assassin.

Then I realized I hadn't been wearing pants the whole time. It took me about one second not to care that I was half-naked. I walked over to the press conference and said "Well, lots of people wish they could say they saved the president from an assassin, but how cool is it to save the president while not wearing any pants?" which got a lot of laughs.

I just think it was funny that my brain tried to fuck me over at the last minute and I was all HUH-UH, MOTHERFUCKER.

[François]

[Mongrel]

There was a Brontocon out west and somehow everyone came. Where it got weird was that it turned out that everyone, every last one of us were involved in the school system in some way. So Brent was some sort of school board administrator, Thad edited textbooks, Newbie was an elementary school teacher, and Friday was an expert on early childhood education. I only realized the joke my brain was making on that last one after I woke up, so Starr saw me wake up and then laugh after a second for no apparent reason.

And then I think it turned into an ugly version of Star Wars where the Empire had won and any Rebels were just scattered fugitives and isolated terrorists. I think you guys hung on for Star Wars but not in any remarkable way.

After that it turned into me telling my brother about new video games coming out. That was one and the other was a GTA/Rockford Files clone. Then it just turned into the teaser reel for some weird Rockford Files clone where the villains that episode were a bunch of deranged Swedish hippie nihilists and every body kept sliding down a long steep hill with a highway running down it and later some of the bad guys tried to break out of an outhouse prison.

This really isn't all that unusual. It was the inclusion of the Brontos that made it worth sharing.

[nosimpleway]

I actually work at a preschool and I didn't make it to imaginary dream Brontocon? I see how it is, Mongrel.